Comments on: Step By Step Instructions for How to Have a Happy Family: Step 2 – Our Marriage is More than a Piece of Paper http://www.100percentnaturalfamily.com/2007/11/step-by-step-instructions-for-how-to-have-a-happy-family-step-2-%e2%80%93-our-marriage-is-more-than-a-piece-of-paper/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=step-by-step-instructions-for-how-to-have-a-happy-family-step-2-%25e2%2580%2593-our-marriage-is-more-than-a-piece-of-paper A site dedicated to helping you be more informed about natural family lifestyle choices Mon, 20 Dec 2010 05:06:24 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Anji http://www.100percentnaturalfamily.com/2007/11/step-by-step-instructions-for-how-to-have-a-happy-family-step-2-%e2%80%93-our-marriage-is-more-than-a-piece-of-paper/comment-page-1/#comment-91 Anji Wed, 28 Apr 2010 02:49:18 +0000 http://www.100percentnaturalfamily.com/2007/11/02/step-by-step-instructions-for-how-to-have-a-happy-family-step-2-%e2%80%93-our-marriage-is-more-than-a-piece-of-paper/#comment-91 Sarah, obviously there are exceptions to everything, but do you really want to recommend that people risk getting involved in something that has not proven great results for the majority of couples when their personal happiness is at stake? I wouldn't. Since you only know 2 cohabitating couples, I would chalk it up either to luck, or to the possibility you are missing a lot of the behind the scenes stuff, or that they just haven't been together long enough to truly test their relationship yet. I personally have known quite a few more than 2 couples who have chosen this path . . . and only one of them is now happily married, but the marriage for them is a new one. The rest are either split up long ago, or are having serious marital strife now. I am really quite curious as to what kind of financial reasons would prevent a couple from marrying? The institution of marriage actually makes finances easier - you get a lower tax rate, you share expenses anyway, and there are family rates for married couples and their children . . . it's CHEAPER to be married. But I didn't write this based only on my own personal experience or expertise - that is why I referenced research. Sure, it is possible to have a happy cohabitation experience, but most likely not. Don't take my word for it - see the links to research and articles at the bottom of this post. Update: Another one of the couples I know who started out cohabitating and <del datetime="2010-12-14T06:47:10+00:00">is</del> was still together at the time I first wrote this is now officially divorced :( sad! Sarah, obviously there are exceptions to everything, but do you really want to recommend that people risk getting involved in something that has not proven great results for the majority of couples when their personal happiness is at stake? I wouldn’t. Since you only know 2 cohabitating couples, I would chalk it up either to luck, or to the possibility you are missing a lot of the behind the scenes stuff, or that they just haven’t been together long enough to truly test their relationship yet. I personally have known quite a few more than 2 couples who have chosen this path . . . and only one of them is now happily married, but the marriage for them is a new one. The rest are either split up long ago, or are having serious marital strife now. I am really quite curious as to what kind of financial reasons would prevent a couple from marrying? The institution of marriage actually makes finances easier – you get a lower tax rate, you share expenses anyway, and there are family rates for married couples and their children . . . it’s CHEAPER to be married. But I didn’t write this based only on my own personal experience or expertise – that is why I referenced research. Sure, it is possible to have a happy cohabitation experience, but most likely not. Don’t take my word for it – see the links to research and articles at the bottom of this post.

Update: Another one of the couples I know who started out cohabitating and is was still together at the time I first wrote this is now officially divorced :( sad!

]]> By: Sarah http://www.100percentnaturalfamily.com/2007/11/step-by-step-instructions-for-how-to-have-a-happy-family-step-2-%e2%80%93-our-marriage-is-more-than-a-piece-of-paper/comment-page-1/#comment-90 Sarah Mon, 26 Apr 2010 05:37:32 +0000 http://www.100percentnaturalfamily.com/2007/11/02/step-by-step-instructions-for-how-to-have-a-happy-family-step-2-%e2%80%93-our-marriage-is-more-than-a-piece-of-paper/#comment-90 Since you asked us to think honestly of the cohabiting couples we know, this is the result, drastically different from yours. I know two cohabiting couples (with children). Their relationships are as good or better than the relationships of the married couples i know. Both are committed, with their children a choice they made together, not something that happened 'accidentally' if you can call pregnancy that. One couple doesn't marry for financial reasons. They have a stable, loving, committed relationship. The other couple i have to remind myself constantly that they aren't actually married, because in every other way other than on paper, they are. We generally do introduce them/speak of them as husband and wife, as boyfriend and girlfriend simply does not give a true sense of their relationship. I don't know what makes the difference between these couples and those that you know, save that perhaps they made good choices using similar criteria for a significant other as can be recommended for seeking a spouse and have made a personal commitment that is as sincere as (or more sincere than, depending on the marriage) those who choose legal marriage. I think that legalization of a marriage is a commendable choice, and it is the choice my husband and i made, but marriages are sanctified by God and i think these couples are proof that God doesn't need the government to approve marriage, and that a marriage can occur even when the couple in question have chosen not to ask the government to sanction their union. Thank you for taking the time to write these articles! :o) ~<3~ Sarah Since you asked us to think honestly of the cohabiting couples we know, this is the result, drastically different from yours. I know two cohabiting couples (with children). Their relationships are as good or better than the relationships of the married couples i know. Both are committed, with their children a choice they made together, not something that happened ‘accidentally’ if you can call pregnancy that. One couple doesn’t marry for financial reasons. They have a stable, loving, committed relationship. The other couple i have to remind myself constantly that they aren’t actually married, because in every other way other than on paper, they are. We generally do introduce them/speak of them as husband and wife, as boyfriend and girlfriend simply does not give a true sense of their relationship.
I don’t know what makes the difference between these couples and those that you know, save that perhaps they made good choices using similar criteria for a significant other as can be recommended for seeking a spouse and have made a personal commitment that is as sincere as (or more sincere than, depending on the marriage) those who choose legal marriage. I think that legalization of a marriage is a commendable choice, and it is the choice my husband and i made, but marriages are sanctified by God and i think these couples are proof that God doesn’t need the government to approve marriage, and that a marriage can occur even when the couple in question have chosen not to ask the government to sanction their union.
Thank you for taking the time to write these articles! :o )
~<3~
Sarah

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